Limerence divorce regret reddit Limerence is basically the same as a drug addiction. I regret it for many reasons, specifically because I don’t think I tried hard enough to save it. So why did I do all of this? Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. When seeking closure I have gotten none and im spiralling more. It was six months after our second child was born, and I just didn't feel in love with him anymore. And the book was exploring how people feel love in different ways. She won’t always induce that chemical feeling in him — she’ll get “old” to him eventually and he’ll try to jump to a new one that makes him feel giddy. The original definition of limerence in the book "love and limerence" and how the term is used by family therapist is quite difference. I regret what the kids had to go through too. I remember struggling with the limerence concept during my failed attempt at R and I genuinely wonder now in retrospect if it’s not just a concept introduced into R to try to appease the BS but that really doesn’t mean anything different than love. I cannot stress how humiliating and upsetting that has been for me, and work hasn't really been the same for me since. Another person dominates your mind so completely that you feel like you are addicted to them. For me, I have a narcissistic mom and macho man father who is extremely religious. I know a lot of people are working from a model that assumes limerence fades eventually when it is returned and consummated, and anyone who leaves a relationship once limerence is absent is a love addict or making a foolish choice, but I have seen many threads on Reddit that contradict this idea, with people describing limerent feelings for Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. A true limerence affair involves both emotional and physical intimacy. Idk wtf is wrong me with me. I can only assume this is honesty and the people that are too proud to admit aren't commenting. i miss her so much so so so much. I was so unhappy when we were married and never loved him. It's like divorced co-parents. This is my story as well, but with a dark twist. I am a BS who is now divorced, healed, and thriving. . Please feel free to post your own accounts of journeying through limerence. This is the "marriage" sub so most can't even comment. We're often very prone to Oct 19, 2019 · Purely physical affairs are easier to pull out of than emotional affairs. It begins with mutual limerence. It doesn't seem fair to my husband to stay with him while I am obsessed with someone else, but am I making a terrible mistake by getting divorced? Looking at the point you're at with yours, in your shoes, I'd probably Divorce. Seems to me, though, they're trying to divorce themselves from their life as much as the person they're holding to account for how they themselves are feeling. Here are some of the most eye-opening The biggest tip I can suggest is this: look deep into your mind. This is for u/tfhaenodreirst - a detailed chronology: . Yah no it’s not some cute thing. What you have to know is that your wife fell for the oldest trick in the book. Heidi Priebe and Personal Development School have some really good videos on limerence. All i wanted was for our divorce to be final. I should have kept my limerence at bay. If really everyone that initiates doesn't regret it at all and are so much happier, that is a really sad insight on marriage/love in general in my opinion. Read how others have coped with limerence in the longer term. I've been obsessed for the last couple of months, checking her facebook/instagram, tried contacting her too, but she doesn't reply. Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by… Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. I don't think finding an AP will help anything, and I don't think that's what the focus should be. 60 years old and she’s finally over him. Regardless of your Limerence being resolved or not, I think it's unfair to keep people within the parameters of a relationship that works one sided. He suggested we work on a musical project together. I thought my limerence was a way of coping with my dissatisfaction in life without actually cheating, but for my SO, limerence WAS cheating. I've not reached that point yet with my wife (and I hope I never do). The only way to overcome an addiction is to not give in to it. I've definitely experienced it! Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation and I know "just get a divorce, duh" is cliche reddit advice, but with how bad things sound, the limerence isn't the main issue to be addressing here. but i don’t think she felt the same. That was a year ago, now we've each got a lawyer. 60% of second marriages end in divorce. Feel like I missed out on something because I was too cowardly to ask. i hope she felt the littlest bit of sadness, i hope i wasn’t just another person. Limerence makes it almost impossible to concentrate on anything other than how much you want them. I regret being too proud to think that I can be the best friend of my LO. You swing from incredible highs to exhausting lows and desperate craving. Those who divorce and remarried will obviously not regret their divorce. Not only was she in a cloud of limerence, affair partners don't come with the day to day things that a real relationship Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. He’s in limerence. but i know she doesn’t want Yes, I regret initiating the divorce from my first husband (am currently remarried for over a decade). My SO accidentally found an online diary where I'd written about 2 LOs. Limerence always fades eventually so what will remain are her flaws because she'll never work on herself and blame/chalk up the end of our relationship as simply "we're not compatible". She didn't confess. I know someone who had a case of limerance that lasted over twenty years and survived a marriage, divorce and several long term relationships. My marriage was dead 3 years prior to the divorce. Limerence is a new concept and still not well established. They are not the same, and usually one can fall in limerence, have a relationship based on limerence, but then not experience affectional bonding and ultimately limerence dies (because there is no longer an element of uncertain reciprocation). Contributors to this sub are going through a divorce, have been through one, or are contemplating the… Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. And it is. she ended things with me. In a nutshell- limerence rather than love played a huge part in my romantic dating life pre- marriage. If you can maintain your boundaries, then it's okay to be friends. I only feel deep regret and shame. i thought she was so special to me. It will only eat you up. 46F, divorced x 1. Family therapist basically a strong crush affecting adults. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. That was before I ever spoke to my LO, but as my limerence began in January, I wanted more and more to get a divorce Although my ex husband tried his best to fix the marriage (after some 8 years of decline, which involved some verbal and emotional abuse on his part) , I was decided I wasn't going to put up with his abuse anymore. The problem is, as you're hopefully aware, that once limerence and wild chemicals get into your brain, especially if you don't have an existing framework for processing this kind of thing, your memories become suspect. Limerence is caused by trauma, childhood neglect, bullying, stress, and if you're neurodivergent especially if you're autistic or ADHD. Looking back, I made a lot of Mistakes. I should have known better. Im sure im still in this "tender" phase. Limerence. How long do limerence affairs typically last? Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. You're in a marriage that has serious issues that will most likely culminate in to a divorce. I think she would have taken it to her grave if I didn't find her out. and i just. This is likely temporary and just the nature of limerence in new relationships. Now, I am in a lot of regret, and I should have waited for this first girl, since she seems perfect for me. It was hope and the light at the end of the tunnel for me. LO01 - maybe platonic limerence: 2010 - 2015 and 2019 - present Minor LO A - romantic limerence: 1997 - 1999 But romantic love that's the stuff of books and cinema? That's easy to fall out of and, it seems, almost impossible to get back. I recently had an email from a reader who is struggling to understand what's happened to her husband: HOW he has morphed into this, and gone from a Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. I regret letting my limerence grewthis is not my first limerence and my last limerence made my life miserable. The cycle will only repeat. As others have stated once the honeymoon / limerence stage is over the relationship must evolve and mature. I've never felt this strongly for this long about anyone, and my LO does reciprocate at least some of my feelings. But you have to be honest with her. Limerence was the one thing that kept me in a good mood despite my dying marriage. You feel like you were never this attracted to your wife, but that's not necessarily true, because your current brain chemical Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. The stats aren't great. Limerence never lasts. They divorced when i was 4. It seems most people on the thread that initiated the divorce are claiming they have no regrets. Is there anything at all that a husband can do when he can see his wife limerent over a really fat, ugly guy that can’t even speak her language, yet… Here's one for you. im fresh off a mental breakdown because i loved her so much. I regret my divorce 6 years later I (31F) requested a divorce from my (now 37m) ex husband when I was 24. Intimacy with another, be it physically or emotionally is the betrayal and emotional betrayal is as brutal, at least, as the physical counterpart. Limerence is when a crush has taken over your life. We have been seperated 8 months and our divorce was final last month. I found her out. My wife was the limerent one, but we've discussed this in therapy so she has revealed her regrets about these effects that her limerence had on her life: Almost destroying our marriage Ignoring red flags that allowed her to be taken advantage of by a manipulative narcissist Im trying to focus on his abuse to get over this feeling i cant seem to shake off. For that hope to end you have three options: Wait, don't see the other person so the feeling will go away over time. Jun 15, 2019 · I've written a lot about the experience of limerence from the perspective of the limerent going through it. Be selfish, he has been selfish for a long time. Or maybe life is never the same after limerence. Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. 4. TL;DR – Long time limerence without realising it. And then I got caught up in limerence for the first time ever, one year prior to the divorce. Lots of people want that feeling again, so they divorce. 108K subscribers in the Divorce community. I wasn’t bashing their mom but it was a bunch of small things that kept them on edge. Aug 3, 2019 · I was lucky to catch this early-thanks to this site!-recognizing the signs of limerence before I could do thing that I would regret. There is love there, and sadness, maybe some regret and resentment. 5 years and dating with 2 kids. I decided to stop hating her. Best advice I can give after a divorce is getting past the anger and pain. It got ugly about three weeks ago, when LO found about this limerence-fueled behaviour of mine, and reported me to HR. Hopefully you can take advantage of his affair fog in the divorce settlement, do not back down on your terms, you'll regret being generous and allowing him to spend your money on AP. He immediately wanted a divorce. LO01 - romantic limerence: 1994 - 2010. Posted by u/blind_lama - 24 votes and 14 comments Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence. In Tennov’s love and limerence, she differentiates between limerence and affectional bonding. I should have kept my distance. They're in a marriage that has serious issues that will most likely culminate in to a divorce. But if your limerence is not complicated like the case of divorced co-parents, then it may be best to abstain. Now, if it has been a while since you divorced and you have spent time alone so you can self reflect and work on yourself, and you still know with 100% certainty that you regret your decisions and that you do want her back, it’s worth putting yourself out there. My tipping point was brought about by LO rather than SO! LO is a professional musician who happens (well…happened, because NC) to be my teacher. But there are children they both love. 37K subscribers in the limerence community. Problem is that limerence is fed by romanticizing that person. About a year after the divorce, I saw that my anger was effecting my kids. It's alright. " This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with it. and would switch jobs if I could. That oxytocin induced feeling you get from a new relationship. I felt everything you are feeling now. I’ve been in therapy for about 5 years and have made significant progress (with some stalling) addressing limerence. The impacts of limerence ripple out much further, though. 2 days ago · In these Reddit threads from a while back, people who regret getting a divorce opened up about their experiences, and their perspectives may surprise you. it pains me every single second to not text her or just reach out to talk. As others have mentioned, limerence is primarily a result of not having secure primary attachment figures in childhood - it's usually a consequnece of, and hand in hand with a lack of self-esteem, a strong sense of self, and the ability to set healthy boundaries for ourselves. Oh god. So boundaries. It’s wholly created in your mind and based on almost nothing. xvjzm ykzn aexf tqibkg tdl lhlf ntuuxj kfq mhn dzmx